How to get your sons to care about their hygiene...

I've finally figured it out!

My 13 year old son brought home gal friend (who he wishes was his girlfriend) the other day for his weekend birthday celebrations, and I tell you what; this 13 year old girl is so far the best carbon copy of me at that age, that ive so far met. She dominant, tough, particulr and doesnt stand for an ounce of bs, least of all from my oldest son, who is definitely my little bs artist.

Or at least, he has been that...

Now, after 12 years of complete social awkwardness from a combination of his piscesian-aquarian artist antiestablishmentarianist personality, some adhd & his complete (and normal) lackadasial level of concern for following any social norms (especially any that concern hygiene), my teen has suddenly transformed into the cleanest, promptest, most pleasant son ever. The last time he was even remotely close to acting so sweet (at least around mom), was when he was under 6 years old.

Now, it seems that all I need from the time he was 10 years old and on, was a girl.

Not just any girl, mind you; as many tried (to our surprise) & failed to make their passes at him over the last 2-3 years (which thankfully went right over his young head). Though I think in hindsight, part of why they just weren't the key he needed, was because they were all pretty sweet.

This new girl is anything but sweet, unless of course, she's trying to get something from him (or me), in which case she turns on the charm like a super sized halogen bulb. Otherwise she's bossy, bratty, overly candid, uber manipulative, braggadocious, I'm not sure that she's ever been made to actually listen to the word no, and her current favorite activity is trying to convince my boy that she's a gender-binary lesbian whenever she wants to tease him, and a hetero-typical teen 'woman' when she feels like holding his hand or cuddling.

So of course, it makes perfect sense that my shy, eccentric, self-absorbed, awkward, submissive, mildly masochistic, exceptionally moody, cross-dressing/gender fluid "son", would find this girl & make her his first 'real' friend (he hopes she'll eventually be more, but only time & this girls mood of the moment, will tell...). It couldn't be one of the sweet, innocent andor quiet girls.

Nope.

No way.

He's clearly much more inclined to look for a girl who fits his unconscious depiction of his mother (yes, me). Someone with big hips & an attitude to match, so to speak 😂

And while there's plenty to laugh at in that short material, there's also some hidden benefits inside his choices. Things like:

1. They challenge him on almost all the same things I have been on his ass about over the past few years (hygiene, grades, effort, honesty, etc...).
2. As long as he keeps finding himself with girl friends and girlfriends like this one, then his dad & I will forever be the best girl-speak translators he could have.
3. I know exactly how to challenge & communicate with these girls, should they dance too close to the line when it comes to my boy's happiness.

All three fringe benefits are rewards he'll likely not truly understand until he's over the hill (if he's lucky), but he'll get to profit from them either way, which is good for him on many levels.

It's also good for me, as they end up doing half of the work I've been struggling to do on my own. Unlike in years past, his room is now clean more often than it's a disaster area; and it's been starting to smell much more like fabreeze and way less like body odor & pee (a development the whole house appreciates). He's also had decent smelling breath most mornings, and has finally figured out how to use foreign objects like combs, toothbrushes & deodorant. 😉

Topping those things even, has been a strange can do attitude that has started over-taking him, along with the weirdest new ability to remember to do all the things he could never remember to do before. Something that had actually started worrying us before, as his ability to be forgetful was nearing a level of chronic-ness, that we wondered if he had more serious issues with executive functioning than even serious adhd causes.

Though within only the blink of an eye, this new girl 'friend' has turned our oldest son's world entirely inside out, and has me chuckling to myself throughout the day, at all of the times I've been so worried about my baby possibly being developmentally disabled in a more severe way than he'd ever shown in his pre-tween days.

I'm also lol'ing way more often in our family counseling sessions, wherein my boy, in his happier current moods, seems to be becoming fond of taking advantage of the 'judgement-free zone' & our therapists insistence that he be radically honest with him, and has been throwing in little tidbits of shock-seeking TMI of varying degrees, whenever he sees the opportunity. I'll write more about that source of comedy gold in other posts, but suffice it to say that right now, when it comes to my kids; life is rarely boring.

Especially now, with his new friend coming around fairly often, bring along with her such brilliant fringe benefits & antics that keep me & his dad laughing for days when our boy is safely out of earshot.

I knew girls would be a game changer when they really came into the picture, but I certainly didn't expect the impact to be so profound or so near-instant, especially in terms of how much stress relief I've received in the process. I really figured I'd be much more uptight about him having anything to do with romantic interests of any gender until he was at least 16, and maybe not even then. Though after so many years of watching him get bullied & picked on year after year, and then sinking deeper into anti-social coping mechanisms; I'm honestly just happy to see him happier, regardless of what I might think of his choice picks or any potential social norm breaking by letting him get into the 'love game' at such a young age.

When you've seen your boy go through depression & serious social strife, it becomes less important to nitpick the first type of socially positive relationship he develops. At least he's trying, and having some sort of successes.

Successes that are certainly making a difference to him; which makes a huge difference to me, resulting in much less stress on the momster.

Well fans! It's time to end this rambling post & get the kiddos into bed.

Hopping I get better at this "Blogging" thing as the days go on. All the "gurus" assure me that I'll sound much more coherent in my ramblings as the days roll on ahead of me & new posts roll out from me.

Until then, thanks for sticking around & as always, please share your thoughts and stories in the comments below. Let's show each other that we're not alone in experiencing these awkward & ancient life lessons!